Watching the office. Feeling the urge to bake but what I want to bake takes too long and I really need to get to sleep at a decent hour tonight.

I can't wait for Christmas break and then I can bake all I want and it also means school is out for the semester! It seriously can't come soon enough.

Maybe one of these days I'll have the time and energy to write something of some significance.

Had an awesome weekend. Spent some quality time with Nic which I was very greatful for. He's seriously the best. He can make me laugh no matter what, especially after an iced double shot haha. We went to see Love Happens yesterday. Such a good movie. I'd highly recommend it.

Harry was in town as well. It was good to see him and got to meet his friends Carter and Natalie. They were great.

It was a pretty busy day today. Went to church, then to Nic's, then back to church, and then hung out with some people I had been missing very badly.

I was so tired today. I inadvertantly took a nap at the Peaks. I could not keep my eyes open to save my life.

Tonight after service I hung out with the Kizzees and few other people from church. I have seriously missed them like crazy. Ronin is now 7 months old which I cannot believe. I was there when he was born and now he's growing up to be a little man! I'm kind of partial, but he is honestly one of the cutest babies I have ever known. He's the kind of baby that makes me want one... in a long, loooong time haha.

Life feels like its been on turbo speed lately. I am coming to the realization that no matter how hard I try that I am simply not capable of controling pretty much any of it. People, circumstances, certain situations. The only thing I can control is how much of my life I choose to give to God. I can either hold onto it all and allow those things to weigh me down or the better of the 2 options, to take on His yoke which is so much lighter and easier. Its a completely terrifying feeling giving up control. I don't really think I have grasped what it means to fully give it all to Him. I hope someday I do. I somehow think I can do things better and if I just hold onto these things a little longer that they will turn out my way. But I am learning that you can't pray for God's will and still expect to keep your agenda. That's been the hardest part for me, throwing my agenda out the door to seek after what is on His agenda for my life.

I've been doing much thinking lately...probably too much hah.

Its been a lazy morning so far. I'm waiting for Noah to wake up. I need to get moving and get ready for the day. I'll get there eventually.

Went to the Peanut Festival last night with the Peaks. It was mucho fun! Hung out with friends, laughed, ate yummey food, and held hands with my favorite person. It was a good night. We saw all kinds of people hah. Nic got me a funnel cake:)

It looks like its going to be another hot day in VA. I was finally getting used to the idea of the fall weather. Cool breeze, crisp air, perfect temperatures, where oh where has it gone?

On another note, hanging out with Nicolas later. Very excited about that. He is the greatest.

My cuddle buddy this morning. I love Lucy:)

To blog or not to blog...

I haven't written in this thing in almost 6 months. It was a crazy summer and it has only gotten worse with school. I debated on whether or not to even start again but here I am. I began writing 2 or 3 times and gave up.

There's no possible way to backtrack through the entire summer so I will try, note the emphasize on try, to keep it going this time. I don't really blog for other people's benefit but more for me as as a way to organize my thoughts into writing. Here we go again!

Time flies.

I was driving on my way to school this morning thinking about random things and quickly realized that today was April 27th. Just another day for most, but for my family today marks a very significant event. It's the 2 year anniversary of Noah getting stuck by lightening. April 27th, 2007 was the worst but best day of my life. 

I can remember everything as if it had happened yesterday. Noah's heart had stopped after the lightening strike. My mom and sister did CPR on the ground of our backyard with the rain pouring down. I remember crying out to God in complete desperation praying that his heart would somehow start beating again. It was without a doubt the most helpless feeling I have ever felt. Watching your little brother turn completely blue from oxygen deprivation was beyond heart wrenching and the almost 10 minutes we waited for paramedics seemed like hours. 

After about 5 minutes of no response from Noah to the CPR my mind started flashing forward to his funeral and I just remember saying no God no, please not my Noah, please not my Noah. Paramedics finally arrived and were able to resuscitate him. They transported him to Chesapeake general and then to CHKD.

He was in the emergency room and my mom came out to get me to go in and see him. It honestly didn't want to. I was on the curled up on the floor of the hospital feeling completely broken. My mom kept telling me I had to be strong for Noah despite feeling like I had NOTHING to offer him. It felt totally surreal, I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare.

He stayed at CHKD for 2 months in a coma.

He had 2nd degree burns down the front of his chest. This is him the first week he was in the intensive care unit:

That picture does not evoke positive emotions for me bringing back emotional memories. It takes me back to that day, those weeks and months of sometimes feeling like there was little hope. But more than anything it is such a huge reminder of how far Noah has come. When I start to feel discouraged that he not walking or talking right now all I have to do is look at that picture to remind myself that God IS healing my brother and a day is coming where he will be completely restored.

Doctors were positive that he'd never move past the coma. God had other plans. 

He came out of the coma and from CHKD he went into physical rehab up in Charlottesville. After about a month at Kluge rehab center he came home August 31, 2007. 

SO much progress has been made since then. God is so so incredibly faithful. It's truly impossible to convey in a blog everything He has done for our family and for Noah through the whole ordeal.

Absolutely amazing things have come out of Noah's story. People have come to meet Jesus because of what God has done in Noah's life. 

He is nothing short of a miracle. God is constantly doing new things in him. I don't see any miracle as 'small'. They're all significant and important to Noah's constant recovery process. I have the complete honor and privilege of calling him my brother.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." 

                                Genesis 50:20

Seriously?

It's almost a month out from my trip to Mozambique. It still has not fully penetrated my brain that I am actually going. 

Still waiting on my passport to get here, going to get my shots this week, and then planning my line of strategy for packing. It is going to be a war between want and necessity. I don't pack lightly for trips so it should be interesting.

God is just so very amazing. 

He seriously blows me away on a daily basis. He has blessed me way 

beyond anything I could have asked for this past week. Support for my trip has been coming in since I sent out my letters. It has really been amazing. On Sunday I had a check come in designated specifically for my trip for $1,000. I didn't believe it at first. That's a pretty extravagant gift for one person to give.

I try not to put a dollar amount on God's love for me, but it totally wowed me. All I could think about for the rest of the day was that He loves ME and He loves me with complete extravagance.

I am going to miss my boys while I'm gone... 

They're pretty much the coolest goldfish you'll ever meet.

                 Otto

                                                                      

          Baxter

Complete Surrender.

This weekend was good. Went to see Receiver and Tonelove on Friday night at The Boot. They were both fabulous. It was a pretty cool place.

Shot Rose's wedding all day Saturday which was fun and then spent the rest of the night with Lauren. Easter was great. Spent it with the family + Lauren, who is practically my sister. All in all it was a weekend well spent...

On a different note, there are some things that I have been thinking about and talking to God about for a while and a couple recent issues that I have really been seeking Him on as well. He hears me, I know he does, but if I am being honest, lately it feels like I'm hitting an invisible wall. Completely impenetrable. I can't see it and I can't figure out how to get around it.

I know patience and trust are major road blocks for me. 

I say that I trust him completely but in reality I don't even know what it means to trust Him with my whole heart. Who am I trying to fool? I think that if I can somehow can change certain people, change myself, try to be who they want me to be, manipulate circumstances, that the outcome will somehow be what I was hoping for. In my need to assert my independence I find myself trying to be independent in my own knowledge of the here and now and my own strength apart from God. I want and need to come to a place where I am so dependent on Him that I know nothing else. 

Patience is a constant struggle for me. We live in a microwave society. Everything is at our beck and call when and where we want it. I have come to learn the hard way that God doesn't work on our time. 

I am so impatient most times and expect something instantaneous to transpire after I lay it all out there for Him. Possible, yes. Likely, probably not. 

God is an amazing dad. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. When He places things in our lives that cause us to seek after Him and to just wait on Him and Him alone it causes us to grow. I definitely have not arrived yet and am constantly growing. 

I need Him. I don't just need a little of Him I need ALL of Him. I am not going to stop pressing in for the things that are heavy on my heart. I can't. 

I am coming to a place of complete surrender. God is God, I am not.